Archive for February, 2009

Moron Watch: White House reading list & burn those lead-soaked books, baby!

Posted in Humor, Obama, Politics with tags , , , on February 28, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

Children Poisoned Indiscriminately

Protecting American children from lead poisoning was on Congress’ collective brain/light sensitive cells when it passed the Product Safety Improvement Act.  One of the weird consequences of this act is that it effectively bans the sale of used children’s books printed before 1985 because some of the inks and paper might contain lead.  Okay, that sounds okay but how many deaths have been attributed to reading those books or eating them (some kids do like to chew on their books, no pun)?  The answer is zero.

White House Reading List

My sources in the White House, I’ll call him Lupe (one of the janitorial staff, the only people there I’d ever get to talk to), tells me that in an effort to raise the  I.Q.s  of White House Staffers (wouldn’t it be easier to just lower the thermostat?), Rahm has distributed the following “suggested” reading list…

The White House
Washington, DC 20500

M E M O R A N D U M

TO:  All Staff

FROM:  Rahm Immanuel, Chief of Staff

RE:  Sugested Reading  —  CONFIDENTIAL

I’m in a mellow mood and my Touretts is in a lull.  In an effort to help us all get up to speed on some of the newest thinking that the really cool people are copping to, this is want Barak and I think are a few of the titles that need to be on your bedside tables.  We know that these are kind of expensive but by doing it this way, Tim Geitner over at Treasury assures us that the costs are tax deductible.  And even if you can’t afford them we are  going to have a shelf put in the break room as sort of a little lending library.  But I think everyone here makes enought to get a book or two to contribute to the cause.  If not, have the Library of Congress send one over.  They wont bitch is they never see it again!  We Won!  That’s all there is to it!

The Little Red Book – Quotations from Mao Tse-tung — Hey, let’s all get off to a good start with our new boss!  Opps!  Wrong book.  Sorry.  But this one is good, too!

The Little BLUE Book – The Pocket Obama — Ha! This is the one I meant to lead with.  No jokes, now!  Let’s all give a big round of applause to our new PRESIDENT FOR LIFE!!! ! Ha, Ha!

The Harrad Experiment, Robert H. Rimmer — The author’s name is a bit unfortunate but don’t let that stop you!!!  When I read this in college, I decided to go into ballet and never looked back!

What Makes You So Strong?: Sermons of Joy and Strength from Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr — Nuff said! The man, hiz own bad self.  Yes, you can read it.  Nobody’ll get mad.  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss $15.00 good bye!

Heather Has Two Mommies: 10th Anniversary Edition by Leslea Newman and Diana Souza — I got this for a very special friend and her two girls (I can’t mention her name, I’ll just call her “M”, ‘wink’, ‘wink’) but I just had to sneak and read it before I had my assistant wrap it.  If you have kids or friends with kids, you need to read this to them!  Just scary cool!

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury — A chilling tale about heroic government employees struggling against vicious terrorist propagandists.  If you don’t understand terrorism, this will teach you what it’s like to try and enforce the goodly laws of a duly elected and dedicated government in the presence of disloyal conservatives doing the will of the Rush Limbaugh clown.

Stalin: A Political Biography (With a New Section on Stalin’s Last Years) by Isaac Deutscher — This one tells it like it really was and in only 661 pages!  Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant political analysis we can apply today.

Fidel and Che: A Revolutionary Friendship by Simon Reid-Henry – Very cool analysis that makes me hope to have a friend like Che one day.  Makes me want to pull a knife on our opponents!  DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!  !@%$#%@ f___ing s___bag traitors!  (HA!  Just kidding!  Sorry about the cursing — Touretts, I’ll take my meds.  I’ve mellowed a whole lot since those heady Clinton days….)

Islam for Dummies by Malcom Clark — Guys, we really need to get up to speed on this Muslin thing. This helped me a lot!

Fugitive Days: Memoirs of an Anti-War Activist by Bill Ayers — Find out what all the fuss was about.  It wasn’t like everybody said!

A Theology of Gay And Lesbian Inclusion: Love Letters to the Church by Donald Hanway — I read this as a run up to the election.  Talk about HOT!  Man, it made me want to go see what this church thing is all about!  I love the costumes and Bishop Gene’s special prayer for Our President sent chills up and down my spine.  (I couldn’t be there at the National Cathedral — and to be honest, I haven’t read the prayer but my assistant told me all about it — what with all of the work that had to be done to get ready for the move to a peace footing and to fix healthcare and all.  What was with all that stone and benches and colored glass and stuff?  Somebody get me a memo put together on this ritual thing!)

Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky — This is OUR bible, folks…, er, maybe we ought to say this is OUR Koran!?  Is it okay to say Koran if you aren’t Muslin?  Anybody read Islam for Dummies, yet?  Somebody let me know via Blackberry.

This should be a good start.  Everyone jump in here and suggest a few titles.

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Moron Watch: National Debt, The New Dark Ages & Let The Show Trials Begin!

Posted in Humor, Obama, Politics, Terror, The Long War with tags , , , , , on February 27, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

Bush Redux

The Honorable Prophet Obama promised the faithful committees, investigations, and trials.  Bush administration malfeasance must be outed and the perpetraitors prosecuted.  We all have heard the Pink-Squeaks telling us how evil the Bush administration was and that they will be made to answer for their crimes against humanity.  We have a model to go by!  This is exactly the sort of thing one might expect in 1993 Somalia or Pol Pot’s Cambodia, criminalizing policy disputes or political differences.  Once Bush and company are found guilty and sentenced, Gitmo can easily serve as an appropriate prison for these enemies of the state.  We can even bring back some of those Abu Ghraib guards that can strip them down and put them on dog leashes.  How delicious!   Bring back bills of attainder for the Bushies!  We could really torture Chaney Saddam style: throw him off buildings blindfolded, cut off his fingers, and stuff!  Maybe we can have an auto de fé!

Medieval America

Will our brave new world under Barry of Gaunt be a mirror distant of the 14th century?  Will it be all War of the Roses, Renaissance Fair, or Black Plague?  Who are the heroes, the House of Lancaster or York?  What will be the outcome of this titanic struggle between good and evil?

According to Couric the Jester to the Court of Obama (and just back from having her lips surgically removed from the arse of The Honorable Prophet) the tale started o’er a dispute of succession back in the Year of Our Lord 2000 and by much enmity arising from an e’en earlier attempt to obtain falsely a Bill of Attainder against God’s Faithful Servant, Willy of Slick.  Having failed to convince the House of Lords that the jolly King Willy needed sacking (Anno Domini 1999), King Willy was allowed to finish his reign over the undergarments of Washington and then passed on into eternity.  About that time, Mortimer Gore of York, the Heir Presumptive to the Throne, was thwarted by evil doers hailing from Florida and the Pretender Bush ascended the throne through great subterfuge and payola.

Not willing to allow the throne to be so stolen so easily, those loyal to York and the  House of Slick strove mightily against the Pretender, properly bedeviling him at every turn.  Eight long years of woe and civil war followed where many a true-hearted Englisheman was made to suffer at the evil hand of the House of Bush.  In order to further thwart the Evil Bush, Providence allowed for the Sons of the Prophet to also make war against the House of Bush so that his attentions might be divided.  The Bush, in an effort to lull the masses into the doldrums, lied to the people about the Sons of the Prophet possessing many bad humors and weapons of great evil, and set off on Crusades against Persia and the Lands of the Pashtuns wherein the Sons of the Prophet fought valiantly but suffered much at the hand of the Pretender’s evil forces.

Meanwhile, and while the Pretender and his minions were off on his foolish crusades, and having emptied the treasury of all the goodes the people had provided for the security of the homelands, and although in great decline since the Battle of Hastings, a resurgent Viking horde attacked from the north sallying forth from their strongholds at Wall & Stowe to loot and carry off what treasure the people had kept for their own simple needs.  Barney of Frank, Lord Chamberlain of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, had been blinded and deceived by agents of the Pretender and was made unable to warn us of the Vikings even as their longboats landed at Nyse and Nasdac.  As the landings occurred at the very onset of the Winter solstice, there was much suffering throughout the land.  The Bush, told of the peoples’ suffering, only snorted and mocked the people.

After a time, by God’s grace, the people came to see the Pretender Bush for what he was and he was made to flee to the Land of Tehas as the Honorable Prophet Obama–assisted by his faithful retinue: Joe the Prince of Footinmouth, Hilliary of Slick, Geithner of Taxcheat, Eric of Croney, Jay-Z of Bitches, Couric of Arsekiss, and Rahm of The Dance–gained the throne by acclaimation of the people ushering in a new age of peace, enlightenment, and plenty.

Remember these numbers…

For every one trillion dollars in debt we amass, that means roughly $3333 per citizen or $5000 per taxpayer.  If we have $11.3 trillion in gross federal debt, (see Wikipidia’s article on Public Debt), then you, the taxpayer, owe $56,500.  The real debt, however, may be closer to $76 trillion when you take into consideration our obligations for Medicare, Social Security and the like.  At $76 trillion you, Mr. Taxpayer, owe $380,000.

Damn, those Vikings!

Moron Watch: Pink-Squeaks to the left of me, jokers to the right…

Posted in First Things, Higher Education with tags , , , , , on February 26, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

First Thing

Pink-Squeaks (a.k.a., The Left, Secular Progressives, Progressives, Liberals, Pinks, Democrats,  “Some Republicans”, New-Age Brownshirts, Clowns, Morons, etcetera) have a particular weltanshung that derives from, god knows where.  Ha!  Actually we can trace it to its roots.

In this peculiar post-Christian age–where subjectivity reigns supreme and the notions of free inquiry, objectivity, absolute truth, academic freedom, self-determination, and liberty itself  have been thrown out with the bathwater–with hats akimbo, our guv’mint welfare check in hand, and our pants low down on our buttocks, we shufflle along into a bold, new anti-intellectual dark ages.  Notwithstanding the implications of a new dark age, and just like always, ideas matter; belief is powerful, even if wrong;  personal decisions, short term, are determined by fashion; I want my trust fund money, NOW; any form of strong belief is suspect.

The Left’s beliefs, which color all their thought and policy positions, are learned behaviors.  My constant theme is that The Left has swallowed its own ideology without real debate or thought on the part of the vast majority of its adherents. Mirroring the general population and other political movements, The Left have their thought leaders (a few) and followers (a lot).  They are approaching one of their political aphelions at this point and now possess a vast army of automatons directed by pheromones wafting from a cauldron of politically correct ideology cooked up by a mashup of hard-left academics, rappers, grievance mongers, fashionistas, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy lumpen types, bumper sticker authors, government busybodies, rock musicians, phone sanitizers, and the like.

Above all, The Army of the Lord Obama, wants to appear cool.  They must have it.  They cannot be without it.  Obtaining it is everything.  They go after it with the single-minded meanness of a teenie-bopper after a boy band, backstage pass, lead singer feelup.  They want to be told by Hole lead singer Courtney Love that they are the coolest audience ever.  They yearn for the approval of the Big “O”; they want to see his warm, loving, approving, smiling face peer down from a podium purchased with their milk money and tell them to be comforted, warmed, filled, and that they are forgiven for their past transgressions; that they are loved and that he will care for their every need.  They need to hear that their lives matter as defined by bumper stickers and stroking from stage by middle-aged rock stars dying of Hep-C.  They want their parents to hate them even though mom and dad met an a Woodstock opium group-grope and see nothing wrong with their kids’ slacker lifestyle.  They yearn for police brutality but can’t get a cop to do more than to politely ask them to leave.  They are fed up with their trust fund managers because they wont cut checks directly to Green Peace or for carbon credits.  Dad thoughtlessly only gave them a pedestrian Lexus LX to drive at college and they had wanted a tricked out Escalade Hybrid with spinners.  They’d happily go to a mosque if they only knew someone that would take them but would not be caught dead in Christian church.  They take all of the cool courses at college like Human Sexuality and the Gay Bar Toilet 101, Super Smash Brothers Melee Theory and Practice (Oberlin College), or Stupidity (Occidental College)–I’m not making up these last two!  All this and a tat will make them Cool!

They are not aware that “Cool”  is nothing more than ignorance masquerading as experience.  Nevertheless, that’s what they want and they will get it even if they have to kick and scream and refuse to eat dinner for several minutes.  No thought they have ever had has gone unexpressed due to the fact that their teachers and parents have encouraged they cute little minds to speak!  Heard not seen, they were told how wise they were from the crib and never give the opportunity to learn how to doubt or learn how to critically parse a statement.  (That would be intolerant!)  “Tolerance” masquerading as thought.

Where have they come from?  How did they become what they are?  Very simply, they’ve been taught this stuff.  Their teachers have been William Ayers, Reverend Wright, Che Guevara, Jesse Jackson, Hugo Chavez, Jane Fonda, Super Mario Brothers, Al Sharpton, Robert Redford, The Electric Company, Russell Brand, George Stephanopoulos, Ed Asner, Obama his own bad self, Kurt Cobain, Al Gore, masturbation, Oprah, Barbara Streisand, Abbie Hoffman, Sesame Street, Fidel Castro, and the whole pantheon of whack-job, Pink-Squeaks that are supposedly in the know.  They know who Bernadette Dohrn or Yoko Ono is but couldn’t tell you a thing about Augustine of Hippo or Edmund Burke.  John Lennon, not John Donne, is their muse.

So, back to this all important First Thing/only thing that they believe in: tolerance.  Wasamadda with that?  Well, for one thing, again keeping it simple, believing only in tolerance in practice (there’s an interesting thought) turns out to be not very tolerant.  And, in opposition stand a few of us yelling, “STOP!”  Étienne Gilson, the French Thomist once said (and I am paraphrasing from memory here, so be tolerant; I can’t find the original quote right now) that the person who holds strong beliefs is the truly tolerant person because they have felt the sting of intolerance so many times.  Pink-Squeaks, in their slavish devotion to an all-powerful belief in the primacy of “tolerance” and nothing else (unless, of  course, you might hold some odd belief like abortion or gay marriage is wrong, in which case abortion rights or gay marriage rights suddenly trump everything else in the universe, period) routinely believe in nothing–or at least claim not to believe in anything substantive–but act highly intolerantly as evidenced by visceral hatred for Orthodox Christians, George Bush, free-market capitalism, Iraqi elections, Ronald Reagan, the USMC, John Wayne, and the like.

When they got to college, no teaching real critical thinking, only ideology.  If they expressed any boarderline conservative thought they were ridiculed by teachers and branded as freaks by their classmates.  They suddenly found out that they couldn’t get dates.  When Ward Churchill, Professor and fake Indian, tells his students things like, “When you kill 500,000 children in order to impose your will on other countries, then you shouldn’t be surprised when somebody responds in kind…,” the average student–with no ability to think through the statement critically and many times has no other frame of reference other than that the University evidently certifies that this Clown is therefore, and by his very presence there, cool (and he’s cool anyway because of the weird long hair, the righteous anger, and funny smell and I need to be tolerant anyway)–swoons instead.

Thinking themselves wise, they have become fools.  Regarding tolerance on the left, where’s the beef? 

Ah, Republicans!  As it turns out, maybe 40% of the earmarks in the most recent stimulus/hogwash bill are theirs.  Do they think this will fix their problem?

Moron Watch: Victoria’s Secret & The Card Check

Posted in Big Labor, Humor, It's The Economy Stupid!, Labor Relations with tags , , , , , , on February 25, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

Re VS…

Victoria’s Secret is having financial problems….  We’re putting together a large stimulus package for them right now.

High-end lingerie is having a hard time of it this recession…

Underwear sales are skimpy…

Bra sales are not holding up…

Etcetera, etcetera.

While I’m sorely tempted to demand a bailout for Victoria’s Secret, really the best way to help VS is to go buy your girl some lingerie there.

In the meanwhile, thank heaven for YouTube’s Victoria’s Secret videos and pray that VS’s sales stay up…, well, bad choice of terms, but you know what I mean.

Moron Watch: The Card Check

Why do Pink-Squeaks get so excited about the card check?  Do they even know what a card check is?  I wonder.  In the labor relations business, the Card Check is the difference between an open ballot and closed ballot by employees on the issue of whether they want a union to represent them.  Requiring a card check, which means that the employee fills out a card and they sign it indicating that he or she wants a union to represent them.  Once filled out, these are submitted to the National Labor Relations Board, which subsequently certifies if more than 50% of the employees want a union.  If it hits the greater than 50% mark, presto-change-o, we got’s us a union! 

Currently, employers can choose to ignore this card check and require that the  ballots be secret (NOT “Victoria’s” Secret) so that no employee feels threatened by the union.  (Wow, threatened by union goons?  Who would have imagined such a thing in this day and age?!)  To be fair, the unions would say that they don’t want employees to be bullied by companies and the best way to do that is with an open balloting process.  That may seem counter-intuitive, but that would be their argument.  On a positive note, the unions feel that the open ballot gives them, and thus the employee, more clout with the company from the outset.  And probably that’s true.  (I’ll happily serve as Shop Steward at VS, if the girls want to unionize.  Undergarment Workers of the World Unite!) 

On the other hand, these days most companies slavishly devote themselves to sucking up to their employees.  Old union workers would not know that the modern auto plant, for example, is even located on this planet.  They would not recognize an air conditioned plant much less air conditioned exercise rooms, lunch rooms with TVs, clean bathrooms, spacious parking lots, clean/safe working environemnts, health plans, 401-Ks, plant nurses, child care centers, EAP’s, and on ad infinitum.  It just would have never dawned on the early AFL-CIO guys that the world would ever be like it is.  And to be fair (again), unions have had a real hand in accomplishing these boons, but it was not because of them only.  It also just makes good business sense.  Happy, trusting employees are more productive.  And they are not stupid, happy and trusting notwithstanding. 

Problem is that employees have reported that the union card checks intimidate them.  That’s why secret ballots were allowed in the first place.  If unions acted responsibly this would not be a problem, but they don’t always act responsibly.  Unions are, after all, populated by, well, Pink-Squeaks and the one thing that Pink-Squeaks lust for more than anything else is power over others.  In China under Mao we called them the Red Guard.

Nevertheless, even Pinks have to act reponsibly on occasion these days.  Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for a second and assume that they are not the usual power-hungry, murderous little tyrants we all come to love and know them to be.  Let’s assume that they do have the little employee’s best interests in mind and, ergo…

Pink-Squeaks want the Card Check to help protect employees.

Conservatives want secret ballots to help protect employees.

The policy question is who is more likely to screw an employee these days, employers or unions?  You do the math.

Who says making policy decisions is tough?

Terror Watch: Binyam Ahmed Mohamed

Posted in Politics, Terror, The Long War with tags , , , , , on February 24, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

In opposition to the horror that the Bush administration and his minions has foisted on the world, our fine President For Life, Barry H., has started releasing the innocents: inhumanly tortured from gitmo.  He has stated that he was held in prison “where captives were permanently chained to the wall, kept in constant darkness, and constantly bombarded by loud noises and rap and heavy metal music.”  Okay!  That’s it!  Chained to the wall I can take, but forced to listen to Rap?  How horrible!

WAIT just a second!  A lot stinks about the release from Gitmo of Binyam Mohamed to the Brits. Don’t assume that this alleged ‘alleged terrorist’ is telling the truth about his captivity.

Check out Thomas Joscelyn’s piece on the lad at http://www.longwarjournal.org/.

OH! That’s right…, they won! I give up…

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , on February 16, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

Oops!  I forgot.  They won and I need to give up.  I don’t have to wait for the fariness doctrine to be reinstated and extended to personal blogs–I expect this any day now.  Fine!  Geithner can stay, and while we’re at it, shouldn’t all FOO (Friends-Of-Obama) Fighters get a pass on taxes?  After all, these are really fine people and are better than us/me, and need to be given special rights so that thay can save us from ourselves.  Sounds Hobbesian.

Moron Watch:  Channel, surfing, as usual, I noticed Richard Belzer (actor, comic) out of his depth during the panel discussion on Hannity the other night.  Seems he has access to Wikipedia because he pointed out via rhetorical question that Hannity must be a Hobbesian!?  [To be fair, Wikipedia actually has a pretty good synopsis of Hobbes, so maybe Belzer can’t read.]  Hannity wasn’t sure what a Hobbesian (Thomas Hobbes) was exactly [Who would, generally, or was he just as confused as I was by the allusion?] and answered as much stating that he was at root a conservative, that he was on the conservative side.  That’s okay, but then little Ricky went on to tell him that a Hobbesian was a bad someone (conservatives) who believed that the nature of humans was primarily evil and needed to be controlled by the state as opposed to all those good Lockeians (John Locke) like Obama and Belzer (implied) who believed in the inherent good of mankind.

Hobbes might best be summed for sound bites by just saying “social contract” where the belief is that the state is probably the best mechanism for delivering peace, harmony, and good health to the nasty, poor, brutish, and short lives of the huddled masses (hardly a conservative notion, more of an ObamaNation notion, if you ask me) and Locke more of the “natural rights”, “government by consent” classical liberal (sounds more conservative to me, and most certainly Hannity’s default position).  I think Belzer probably meant to call Hannity–or would have been better served, at least, to call Hannity–a Calvanist (i.e., John Calvin, who did believe in the total depravity of mankind) if he wanted to link him to someone that believed in the inherent badness of man, instead of Hobbesian vs. Locke (who, if I remember correctly, probably did believe that man was born ‘good’ or at least neutral, tabula rasa-wise).  But comparing Hannity to Calvin wouldn’t have worked very well either because Hannity’s a Roman Catholic!

Given the context, what a weird thing to be coming out of the mouth of some dope like Richard Belzer.  I guess he wanted us to all know that he’s not just an actor but rather a real brainiac [despite Hulk Hogan’s shutting off blood to his brain once: Thanks, Wikipedia!].  Well, maybe he went to college, but who knew? It must have been a bad college [Dean Junior College, Franklin, MA–Belzer was tossed out after two semesters majoring in PhysEd because he attended too many student demonstrations: Thanks, Wikipedia!] because he got it wrong [come to think of it, if he had only gone to Wikipedia…].  Why’s it so hard for pinks to admit that the left is more naturally aligned with the devine right of kings and absolutism.  If Belzer understands Hobbes and Locke well enough to use them in a complex debate environment then I’m the lost Dauphin of France.

I surfed over to NCIS and felt a lot better.

Obama, Dump Tim Geithner

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , on February 10, 2009 by McKinley Pitts

Tim Geithner should resign. I pay my taxes, he doesn’t. It’s that simple. Obama should dump him.

Go here [http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/] to tell the Whitehouse to can him.