Moron Watch: National Debt, The New Dark Ages & Let The Show Trials Begin!

Bush Redux

The Honorable Prophet Obama promised the faithful committees, investigations, and trials.  Bush administration malfeasance must be outed and the perpetraitors prosecuted.  We all have heard the Pink-Squeaks telling us how evil the Bush administration was and that they will be made to answer for their crimes against humanity.  We have a model to go by!  This is exactly the sort of thing one might expect in 1993 Somalia or Pol Pot’s Cambodia, criminalizing policy disputes or political differences.  Once Bush and company are found guilty and sentenced, Gitmo can easily serve as an appropriate prison for these enemies of the state.  We can even bring back some of those Abu Ghraib guards that can strip them down and put them on dog leashes.  How delicious!   Bring back bills of attainder for the Bushies!  We could really torture Chaney Saddam style: throw him off buildings blindfolded, cut off his fingers, and stuff!  Maybe we can have an auto de fé!

Medieval America

Will our brave new world under Barry of Gaunt be a mirror distant of the 14th century?  Will it be all War of the Roses, Renaissance Fair, or Black Plague?  Who are the heroes, the House of Lancaster or York?  What will be the outcome of this titanic struggle between good and evil?

According to Couric the Jester to the Court of Obama (and just back from having her lips surgically removed from the arse of The Honorable Prophet) the tale started o’er a dispute of succession back in the Year of Our Lord 2000 and by much enmity arising from an e’en earlier attempt to obtain falsely a Bill of Attainder against God’s Faithful Servant, Willy of Slick.  Having failed to convince the House of Lords that the jolly King Willy needed sacking (Anno Domini 1999), King Willy was allowed to finish his reign over the undergarments of Washington and then passed on into eternity.  About that time, Mortimer Gore of York, the Heir Presumptive to the Throne, was thwarted by evil doers hailing from Florida and the Pretender Bush ascended the throne through great subterfuge and payola.

Not willing to allow the throne to be so stolen so easily, those loyal to York and the  House of Slick strove mightily against the Pretender, properly bedeviling him at every turn.  Eight long years of woe and civil war followed where many a true-hearted Englisheman was made to suffer at the evil hand of the House of Bush.  In order to further thwart the Evil Bush, Providence allowed for the Sons of the Prophet to also make war against the House of Bush so that his attentions might be divided.  The Bush, in an effort to lull the masses into the doldrums, lied to the people about the Sons of the Prophet possessing many bad humors and weapons of great evil, and set off on Crusades against Persia and the Lands of the Pashtuns wherein the Sons of the Prophet fought valiantly but suffered much at the hand of the Pretender’s evil forces.

Meanwhile, and while the Pretender and his minions were off on his foolish crusades, and having emptied the treasury of all the goodes the people had provided for the security of the homelands, and although in great decline since the Battle of Hastings, a resurgent Viking horde attacked from the north sallying forth from their strongholds at Wall & Stowe to loot and carry off what treasure the people had kept for their own simple needs.  Barney of Frank, Lord Chamberlain of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, had been blinded and deceived by agents of the Pretender and was made unable to warn us of the Vikings even as their longboats landed at Nyse and Nasdac.  As the landings occurred at the very onset of the Winter solstice, there was much suffering throughout the land.  The Bush, told of the peoples’ suffering, only snorted and mocked the people.

After a time, by God’s grace, the people came to see the Pretender Bush for what he was and he was made to flee to the Land of Tehas as the Honorable Prophet Obama–assisted by his faithful retinue: Joe the Prince of Footinmouth, Hilliary of Slick, Geithner of Taxcheat, Eric of Croney, Jay-Z of Bitches, Couric of Arsekiss, and Rahm of The Dance–gained the throne by acclaimation of the people ushering in a new age of peace, enlightenment, and plenty.

Remember these numbers…

For every one trillion dollars in debt we amass, that means roughly $3333 per citizen or $5000 per taxpayer.  If we have $11.3 trillion in gross federal debt, (see Wikipidia’s article on Public Debt), then you, the taxpayer, owe $56,500.  The real debt, however, may be closer to $76 trillion when you take into consideration our obligations for Medicare, Social Security and the like.  At $76 trillion you, Mr. Taxpayer, owe $380,000.

Damn, those Vikings!


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