Moron Watch: White House reading list & burn those lead-soaked books, baby!

Children Poisoned Indiscriminately

Protecting American children from lead poisoning was on Congress’ collective brain/light sensitive cells when it passed the Product Safety Improvement Act.  One of the weird consequences of this act is that it effectively bans the sale of used children’s books printed before 1985 because some of the inks and paper might contain lead.  Okay, that sounds okay but how many deaths have been attributed to reading those books or eating them (some kids do like to chew on their books, no pun)?  The answer is zero.

White House Reading List

My sources in the White House, I’ll call him Lupe (one of the janitorial staff, the only people there I’d ever get to talk to), tells me that in an effort to raise the  I.Q.s  of White House Staffers (wouldn’t it be easier to just lower the thermostat?), Rahm has distributed the following “suggested” reading list…

The White House
Washington, DC 20500

M E M O R A N D U M

TO:  All Staff

FROM:  Rahm Immanuel, Chief of Staff

RE:  Sugested Reading  —  CONFIDENTIAL

I’m in a mellow mood and my Touretts is in a lull.  In an effort to help us all get up to speed on some of the newest thinking that the really cool people are copping to, this is want Barak and I think are a few of the titles that need to be on your bedside tables.  We know that these are kind of expensive but by doing it this way, Tim Geitner over at Treasury assures us that the costs are tax deductible.  And even if you can’t afford them we are  going to have a shelf put in the break room as sort of a little lending library.  But I think everyone here makes enought to get a book or two to contribute to the cause.  If not, have the Library of Congress send one over.  They wont bitch is they never see it again!  We Won!  That’s all there is to it!

The Little Red Book – Quotations from Mao Tse-tung — Hey, let’s all get off to a good start with our new boss!  Opps!  Wrong book.  Sorry.  But this one is good, too!

The Little BLUE Book – The Pocket Obama — Ha! This is the one I meant to lead with.  No jokes, now!  Let’s all give a big round of applause to our new PRESIDENT FOR LIFE!!! ! Ha, Ha!

The Harrad Experiment, Robert H. Rimmer — The author’s name is a bit unfortunate but don’t let that stop you!!!  When I read this in college, I decided to go into ballet and never looked back!

What Makes You So Strong?: Sermons of Joy and Strength from Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr — Nuff said! The man, hiz own bad self.  Yes, you can read it.  Nobody’ll get mad.  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss $15.00 good bye!

Heather Has Two Mommies: 10th Anniversary Edition by Leslea Newman and Diana Souza — I got this for a very special friend and her two girls (I can’t mention her name, I’ll just call her “M”, ‘wink’, ‘wink’) but I just had to sneak and read it before I had my assistant wrap it.  If you have kids or friends with kids, you need to read this to them!  Just scary cool!

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury — A chilling tale about heroic government employees struggling against vicious terrorist propagandists.  If you don’t understand terrorism, this will teach you what it’s like to try and enforce the goodly laws of a duly elected and dedicated government in the presence of disloyal conservatives doing the will of the Rush Limbaugh clown.

Stalin: A Political Biography (With a New Section on Stalin’s Last Years) by Isaac Deutscher — This one tells it like it really was and in only 661 pages!  Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant political analysis we can apply today.

Fidel and Che: A Revolutionary Friendship by Simon Reid-Henry – Very cool analysis that makes me hope to have a friend like Che one day.  Makes me want to pull a knife on our opponents!  DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!  !@%$#%@ f___ing s___bag traitors!  (HA!  Just kidding!  Sorry about the cursing — Touretts, I’ll take my meds.  I’ve mellowed a whole lot since those heady Clinton days….)

Islam for Dummies by Malcom Clark — Guys, we really need to get up to speed on this Muslin thing. This helped me a lot!

Fugitive Days: Memoirs of an Anti-War Activist by Bill Ayers — Find out what all the fuss was about.  It wasn’t like everybody said!

A Theology of Gay And Lesbian Inclusion: Love Letters to the Church by Donald Hanway — I read this as a run up to the election.  Talk about HOT!  Man, it made me want to go see what this church thing is all about!  I love the costumes and Bishop Gene’s special prayer for Our President sent chills up and down my spine.  (I couldn’t be there at the National Cathedral — and to be honest, I haven’t read the prayer but my assistant told me all about it — what with all of the work that had to be done to get ready for the move to a peace footing and to fix healthcare and all.  What was with all that stone and benches and colored glass and stuff?  Somebody get me a memo put together on this ritual thing!)

Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky — This is OUR bible, folks…, er, maybe we ought to say this is OUR Koran!?  Is it okay to say Koran if you aren’t Muslin?  Anybody read Islam for Dummies, yet?  Somebody let me know via Blackberry.

This should be a good start.  Everyone jump in here and suggest a few titles.

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One Response to “Moron Watch: White House reading list & burn those lead-soaked books, baby!”

  1. The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts (Hardcover) by Shinta Cho

    http://www.amazon.com/Gas-We-Pass-Story-Farts/dp/0916291529

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